First off….let me say that regular posts about the Daily Office will resume starting Monday. :).

I honestly think I needed a week or so to clear my head. To get away from the pressure that I was feeling to provide spiritually nourishing insights on this blog every day.

Obviously, I know that is ridiculous, and certainly not the reason I started this project. But more and more the expectation to post every single day made praying the Office a chore….something I wasn’t looking forward to doing. 😦

Now I think I am ready mentally and spiritually to jump back in the swing of things. 🙂

Part of what had me in a funk this week is that it has now been one year since I graduated from seminary….with still no clear indication of becoming ordained in sight…..nor any sign that I am going to be paid for my work any time soon.

Of course, as someone who is called to be a priest….service comes first….stipend comes last :)….but I honestly thought I would be in a more stable place one year after graduation.

Perhaps that is foolish thinking….and I’m not saying that the last year has shown no signs of progress….but somehow I was expecting more.

Two things happened today that served to jolt me out of the little pity-party I have been having for myself.

First and foremost was seeing the joy of some of my fellow classmates graduate! :D. To see the happiness, the light-heartedness….and almost hearing sighs of relief as they finally obtained their degrees….some taking much longer than the standard 3 full-time years to finish. 🙂

These women and men have shown incredible strength in the way that they have pushed through essays, parish placements, strain in their personal and family relationships. All because they felt God was calling them to love and know him more fully. It was both humbling and joyful to witness. :D. Congratulations my friends! 🙂 ❤

Also…..in mingling with some of the folks who showed up for the convocation, I met with a doctor who wanted to speak with me about my CP.

He told me about a trial drug that he was researching that–in essence–would revamp the cells in my body and cut down significantly on my spasticity and balance.

Naturally, the drug is not cheap….although he said that if I wanted in the trial, he could arrange it.

I have never had this kind of offer made to me before….and–putting aside my own skepticism about his motives– I honestly don't think I am interested.

In the past, I have had friends who decide–for various reasons–to test different drugs and treatments in the hopes that their disability would be minimalized or cured. In most cases, these folks are people with genetic conditions like MS or MD…or who are disabled as the result of sever trauma (car accident, workplace injury &c.)

My disability has shaped the person I am…be that for good or ill. :P. CP is not like other disabilities…..it finds its root not in genetics…..but in shitty luck and medical mistakes. Sometimes that makes it harder to take…but at other times I am astounding that on the sliding scale of CP I am smack-dab in the middle.

I am able to speak, walk, read, and was fortunate enough to earn both a B.A. and M. Div.

More than that, my CP is part of who I am as a person…..has shaped my spirituality, and has allowed me to empathize and sympathize with people on a very unique level.

Despite my (sometimes prolonged) episodes of doubt, anger, fear, and bitterness….Today I remember I am lucky. Today I remember I am loved. Today I remember I am blessed. Thanks be to God! Alleluia! +

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