*Combo post will follow this evening*

When I first set out to do this project…one of my goals–if you can even call them that–was to be up-front and honest about the “ups and downs” of the spiritual life…and of trying to interpret Scripture….

So it is in that spirit of transparency and struggle that I write this post.

It’s weird……the last few days I have found it extremely difficult to pray. I can’t really put my finger on why though. πŸ˜›

There hasn’t been a loss of faith or a crisis of conscience or anything of that sort…..It’s just that…… for some reason, I find myself unsure of what to ask for.

Praying for other people is fine, and I make the effort to do that at least every night….but the Office has just been a source of tedium over the last little bit.

Also–and I know I’m going to sound like a horrible human being for saying it–I find myself wholly dispassionate and disconnected from the earthquake in NZ, despite the flood of emails I have gotten asking for prayerful support. πŸ˜›

I feel like an ass for not caring. I even know three people from NZ; two of whom are serving as clergy at the current moment.

And yet….I feel nothing….

It must be said that for me, this discomfort and apathy applies to all natural disasters.

The planet is just doing its thing. I can’t very well pray for the earthquakes to stop. To do so would be asking God to break the natural rhythms of the universe…and I’m pretty sure He didn’t create the laws of science just to snap them in half when we come a-callin’.

I feel horrible for the people who have lost friends and loved ones as a result of this earthquake……and I know nothing will soothe their pain and grief…but as far as the infrastructure, churches, buildings and homes that have been destroyed….I am ambivalent at best.

I don’t even know what I hope to accomplish in writing this post, but I feel I needed to get this internal struggle out there….to say it out loud…if for no other reason than to take the time to wrestle with it. +

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